Tuesday, March 28, 2006
the thing about me is, i can easily breakdown whenever things doesnt go my way. Weird is, that He somehow in any way always reminded me that I am still lucky enough to be in my position right now. I guess that's the reason I am still moving forward, even when i have to drag along the way.
while im posting this, i am sitting in my desk. i opened my window so the clean fresh air may come to my room. this is one of the things that i'd only started doing last week, since my 11 months living in this flat. i noticed we'd only started to love things when we start to realize that we are losing them. no wonder the landlord of this flat had decided to kick me out so she can enjoy what i am enjoying right now.
i HATE looking for new flat. cause it's tiring, and can be disappointing at times. just like today.
on my way home, after i'd inspected a few flats, i cant help but wonder. why is it so hard to look for a flat, one that suits me. i wish i have my own house. all i need to worry about is to pay the mortgage every month. but then, with my situation right now.. buying a house is just simply .. a dream. and i dont know why, i felt a burst of hatred comes out from the bottom of my heart to the company i work for.
so i cried. i cry when i am angry. when i hate things to the root. because i cant scream. and i cant break anything. i can only cry. because i know i should be thankful right now, but somehow i cant... cause i feel tired. im tired of trying
growing up sucks, ain't it?